fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
