pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
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My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
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So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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