he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
