Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
