Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
