whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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