In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
