the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't turn off my feet"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.