Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
