i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
