I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.