so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.