like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.