If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions