My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You're earring is so big in my mouth
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.