This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
