btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Randomize
