he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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