I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
