The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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