she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im holly from the hills drunk
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
