Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
