he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
