Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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