Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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