well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
