dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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