No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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