Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
