Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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