Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
