Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
