whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
