Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
