FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
