I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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