I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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