i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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