Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
