I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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