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dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
