The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
