we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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