I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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