I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
