i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
