woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
