You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
