rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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