direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
