this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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