Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
me + whiskey = a bad person
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
