I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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