I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
