The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
