Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
