Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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