I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
