the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
