just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We need a shit load of segways right now
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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