I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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