you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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