Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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