Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
