the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
