i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
