My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
