Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
