Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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