So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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