Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
