I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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