Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
