Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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