oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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